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On Empty Rooms & the Shock of Being an Adult

22 January 2018

Unbeknownst to me I've been living in a self-created Neverland. It has been safe there, despite the arrival of two children and the acquisition of a mortgage. 

I've been so comfortable wrapped up by the security of two generations ahead of me, doomed to confront their mortality before I ever will. In fact my own mortality has felt irrelevant up until this point when I walk into that empty room. 

You see, my grandparents are moving to their final home of their mortal existence. They have spent the last few months downsizing their lives, determining which treasures are the most important to them and gifting those that don't quite make the cut to family and friends. 

I don't pretend that what they are doing is easy. The process has aged them and has worn them down and today I have realized that the process has poked a hole into my Neverland. 

This empty room where my I spent hours teaching my Grandpa how to open a desktop shortcut with the computer mouse and told my Grandma that there isn't actually a Nigerian prince who wants to buy her house, is making me realize that someday my rooms will be empty too. Someday the things that mean the most to me will need to go to someone else. 

It's unsettling to face your mortality. I won't actually be around forever. There will be an end of my existence. Someday someone may see a picture of me hanging on the wall and may know who I was yet won't really understand all that actually meant. 

All this to say that getting older is exhausting and I would rather not do it anymore.

How do you deal? 

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